so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
