it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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