Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
