Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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