two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
