i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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