i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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