im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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