i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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