vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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