I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
