Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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