I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
