can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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