My friends, they love my intelligence
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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