Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
