apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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