you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
