We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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