Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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