Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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