the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
