I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
