Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
