remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
