Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
