i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
