Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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