i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
