Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
