About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
