Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say đ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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