Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
