He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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