Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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