I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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