Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
