I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
