i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it glows. i had to have it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
