the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
