I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We need to get me chipped asap
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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