just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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