For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
