You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
