So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
