distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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