yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
