It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
