I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
