In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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