I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
