whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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