R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
