We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We talked him into tasing himself.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
