Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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