Soap is not a condiment
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
